The Ultimate Wonder Woman

The Gym Geek

Growing up as a groupie of Baywatch; I’ve always imagined myself running in slow motion, flaunting my, fit, sexy body. This golden body is not easily achieved. It takes hard work in the kitchen and serious grinding in the gym. With this goal in mind, I long for the hour of the day called Gym time. Enough about me, the main focus of this piece is a females perspective of “The Gym’’.

Hours pass and all we can think about is; the power hour, the golden temple, the gym. Legend has it that most females go to the gym to take selfies, however this is seriously one crazy urban legend. This legend is probably even crazier than estrogen itself. Therefore, we clothed ourselves in our best gym gear, prepare our post workout health smoothies and assemble our pre-workout. A female’s confidence stems mainly from: being sexy, irresistible and desirable, with the aim of driving most men insane. We understand fully that in order to achieve the above, we need to give a hundred and ten percent focus to our grueling workouts. We grind like beasts, or at least aim to.

​Yes, you read correctly. Our aim is to grind like beasts, which most of the time gets affected by all the testosterone that surrounds us. The atmosphere is one of variety, iron pumping, muscle clenching, heavy breathing, grunting, growling, some great tunes and sweat sweat sweat. This amount of sexy sweaty testosterone is very pleasing to the soul and the eye. However, that is all that it is, sensual eye candy, with that being said, our aim is not to be picked up by men or to hook-up.

In light of the above mentioned, our efforts shown by our best gym wear that include Nike gloves, Nike trainers and post workout, is solely for the purpose of the grind and not to be picked up by testosterone. This is the main reason why women become so cranky at the machine or weights section. Itching from our pre- workout, we begin our routine with a bit of light stretching, making sure that every muscle especially the rear is all loosened up. We then move onto a light warm up, once we begin to burn, cardio kicks in. The intensity builds up, our minds become freer as we pump and grind, feeling on top of the world then suddenly, BAM! Our grueling session gets rudely interrupted by the male species.  Men call us crazy but being interrupted during the grind is the most annoying thing that can happen to a woman. This in turn results in a colossal pickup fail.

One may ask; how would the male species rudely interrupt our grind? Rhetorical, yes I know, although it’s simple, their eyes gaze upon our beautiful booties and faces which then creates this burning desire to ‘tap that’ or ‘date that’. Their gaze undressing each item one by one leaving one with a sense of awkwardness, thereby reducing our hundred and ten percent focus. Panting, in need, consumed with lust and longing, the male rudely interrupts our grind. They think and assume we do not know their end game. Unfortunately they are incredibly wrong.

This assumption leads men to interrupt women in the most bizarre and annoying ways, let me highlight a few. Firstly, we have the common and favourite, correction of posture. This is seen when a lady is pumping the weights or the machines. Most of the time our posture is correct and this becomes the most annoying break the ice moment. All that devours us at that time is anger and a burning desire to slap said male. The saying romance is dead isn’t usually true, although being that type of ice breaker romance will definitely be killed for eternity.

Next we have the I’m such a saint ice breaker. This one is quite tactical but unfortunately carried out at the worst time possible, making it just plain stupid. The lady will be occupied trying to figure out a machine or find a weight and said male, will swoop in, like prince charming and offer his services. Firstly he is not prince charming but rather a nuisance and secondly if we needed the help we would gladly ask for it. This move is guaranteed to get one an imaginary slap and a write-off for good. To successfully carry out this move, offer these services when it is asked for. Now that will get you to ‘tap that’ or ‘date that.

Then we have and this, and this is the most annoying interruption of all, the pointless conversation maker. This one has no consideration for the workout or surroundings at all, thereby interrupting by starting up a casual conversation or asking a personal question. This right here makes our blood boil. The first thought that comes to our mind is, “Really, did this idiot just interrupt my workout to have a chat, seriously? Are you kidding me!” The next thought would be a slap or a punch which would then lead us to one of two actions or both. First, we would either politely tell you off or do so with anger or second, we would walk away and purposefully train another body part, with one thought “Thanks jerk for ruining my workout”. Interrupt a lady this way and you’re asking for your ego to be crushed to pulp.

The above were just a few ways we are rudely interrupted. If I had to list every single way, this article would be a novel. Unfortunately, these rude interruptions really mess with our motivation and goals. This doesn’t mean that the gym has to be boring or lack excitement to gaze upon fresh meat, by all means do aim to ‘tap that ‘or ‘date that’; just acknowledge certain courtesies. Instead of interrupting a workout rather wait till the workout is over then you’re guaranteed a definite yes.
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As a female who loves the gym, has those Baywatch body goals and knows the ranting’s of other fellow females, this is our holistic perspective on the gym. Well truthfully this is an inkling of our perspective just managing to crack the surface. Our perspective requires a lot more space and definitely will have one laughing off of their seats.  Its time this gym girl puts down the type writer and leaves it at to be continued……

Related: Confessions of a Gym Rookie

Happy Lifting and Strive to Arrive!

​Article by Nasreen Dukander

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